As good as dead
by Zenamydog
Summary: Because Jo. If it came to a choice between you and my brother? You would be as good as dead. Warning:SLASH
1. Chapter 1

**Title **As good as dead. Chapter One.

**Chapter**1/**2**

**Author**Zenamydog  
**Rating/b **NC-17  
**Fandom/b **Supernatural  
**Characters/Pairing/ **PrimarilySam/Dean (Established relationship) Dean/Jo Sam/OMC  
**Warnings **Mention of M/M sex **Tiny spoilers** for anything **already** aired in the U.S.

**Beta **The wonderful lj user"snfan3"  
**Feedback **It's the only thing thatmakes it all worth while!  
**Disclaimer **Own nothing but my imagination and my wishful thinking.

**Summery **Dean cant fathomSam's reactions to him finally sleeping with Jo.

"Because Jo." He looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood how serious he was. "If it came to a choice between a woman that I loved and my brother. Between you and him?" Dean huffed a small sigh. "Then darlin, I'm sorry. You would be as good as dead."

**AN **lj user"snfan3" You are totally awesome to me. Thank you. Have a wonderful few days away!

Dean lay sprawled across the Queen Size bed, feeling post orgasmic sleep starting to take him. He thought that maybe he would stay this time. It had been a while since he had spent the entire night with a woman.

Jo had been asking him to since they started this. So he thought, _One full night wouldn't hurt_ besides, he was warm and content and totally fucked out.

He'd told Sam where he was going, and had refused to acknowledge the look of hurt that had crossed Sam's face.

Dean reached for his phone on the nightstand when it began to ring. Even before he looked at the caller I.D., he knew it was Sam. This was the second time he had called. The first, about twenty minutes ago, had been at a rather inopportune moment, (he was riding Jo like a cowboy) so he'd let it go to voice mail.

He wasn't quite sure whether to be happy to hear his brother's voice, or pissed because Sam didn't seem to be able to go one full night without the need to call him.

"Hello," Dean said with a laugh in his voice, swatting at Jo's teasing hand which was trying hard to distract him from his conversation.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was choked.

Dean sat bolt upright on the bed. It only took that one word from his brother and he knew that something was not right.

"Sammy? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Dean," Sam said again. "I need…I need you help."

There was clearly pain in Sam's voice and Dean was already in the process of getting out of bed and dressing.

"What is it Sam? Another vision?" Dean asked, as he struggled to do his jeans button up with one hand.

"No." Sam answered, and Dean felt his level of concern go from a two to a ten in an instant.

"I…I've been beat up," Sam continued. "There were four of them and I couldn't…"

Sam didn't finish his sentence, but Dean got the idea. His face showed disgust at the thought of him being so outnumbered.

"Where are you Sammy?" Dean picked up his keys and was opening the door before he knew it. He didn't even look back at Jo. Sammy needed him and that was all he could register.

_Fuck. Why didn't I pick up when he first called? Oh God. I should have picked_ _up_.

Screeching the Impala to a halt, he ran down the dirty ally way as he flipped his phone closed. He could see his brother now and dropped to his knees when he finally made it to his side.

Reaching out, he gently pulled Sam to a sitting position and cupped the side of his face, forcing the younger man to look at him.

em _Jesus/em _Dean thought.

Sam's face was bloody and bruised. His lips were swollen and he was bleeding badly from the side of his head. Most concerning however, was the fact that Sam was barely conscious and his eyes were beginning to roll back in his head.

"No no," Dean spoke sternly. "Don't you pass out on me."

Sam raised his arm in a defensive manner. "No, no more," he pleaded, obviously still reeling from the savage attack and thinking Dean was one of them, about to lay into him again.

"Sammy it's me," Dean spoke softly, bringing him in to lean against his chest. "It's me, it's Dean," he said quietly.

"Dean?" Sam coughed, blood dripping from his mouth.

As Dean continued his visual inspection of his brother, he could see that Sam had bitten through his tongue. It was twice its normal size and it made him hard to understand when he spoke.

"Yeah bro it's me," he breathed. "I'm here," he soothed as he started to rock ever so slightly.

Dean had had cause to wonder about the things he had killed lately. He had thought that maybe there were things out there that didn't deserve killing. Gordon and the nest of vampires had called that into question.

"If it's supernatural we kill it," he'd said. "No Dean, if its _evil _we kill it,"Sam had replied.

As he held Sam close and tried to reassure him, he knew that there were also humans that deserved killing. It was evil that he killed now, not just the supernatural. And by god, these men were about as evil as anything he had ever hunted. Dean's face hardened. _They will pay for this._ He thought.

"Can you stand up Sammy?" Dean asked, taking a fist full of his brother's jacket.

Sam made a wet gasping sound as his head rolled back.

His body was like a rag doll, but Dean somehow managed to get him to his feet.

Slinging Sam's arm over his shoulders Dean tried to encourage him to move forward. "Come on man. I need a little help here. You're way too big for me to carry."

Sam's response was to stumble and almost fall, his legs so weak they could barely carry him.

Dean heaved Sam over his shoulder in a fireman's lift. A look of determination set on his face. "But I will if I have to," he said quietly to himself. _I will if I have to_.

Dean sat in the waiting room of the hospital, his mind playing out scenarios of what went down with his brother.

Sam wasn't an intimidating kind of guy, and for the life of him he couldn't understand how he had gotten himself into this kind of situation.

It was obvious that Sam had gone to the bar, that the four men had jumped him, or maybe had dragged him outside into the ally with the intention of kicking the shit out of his brother. _But why?_ Dean simply couldn't fathom. _Why?_

"Mr. Dale?" The doctor asked when he approached Dean.

Dean stood, the concern written across his face leaving the doctor with no doubt as to who he was. "Yes," Dean answered "I'm Mr. Dale. My brother, is he…?"

"He's fine," the doctor interrupted, seeing no need to worry the young man any longer than was necessary. "He's taken a particularly vicious beating, but he's very lucky. There are no broken bones, and no internal injuries. He has a concussion," he continued "so we'll need to keep him in for observation. But that should only be for a couple of days."

Dean gave an audible sigh of relief. "Can I see him?" He asked.

"Sure," the doctor said smiling. "But he has been given a heavy sedative. I doubt he'll wake until morning."

Dean stood at the foot of Sam's bed and watched his brother sleeping. He was covered in dark bloody bruises, and he had an I.V. protruding from his left arm.

Quietly pulling the chair closer, he sat and continued to stare at his brothers' bruised face.

The questions of_ Why?_ running through his head in an endless loop. It crashed though his mind until he wasn't even sure what his question was anymore.

Was it, why had this happened to his brother? Or was it why had he gone to Jo when everything he had even wanted was lying on the bed in front of him?

_Jo._ He remembered. He had left in such a hurry, and with everything that had happened he hadn't given her a second thought.

It wasn't her fault any of this had happened. It was his. But he knew she would be worried, so he pulled out his phone.

Searching through the directory he suddenly snapped it shut. His brother's injuries were not life threatening and he was sedated. Dean knew that he wouldn't be awake anytime soon, and he needed to see Jo. Needed to talk to her face to face.

It had never been as clear to him as it was right now, standing in front of his bruised and battered brother. She had been a mistake. Just another way for him to not have to deal.

The sad thing was, he realized. It wasn't even his grief over their father's death that had caused it to happen. It had been his own suborn stupidity. His way of hanging onto his own little bit of em _normal_. /em

But Dean knew now. He was irreconcilably and undeniably em _in_ /em love with his brother. em _his Sammy._ /em

"Dean!" Jo exclaimed when she answered the door. "How's Sam? Is he okay? What happened?"

"He was jumped by four men," Dean started, telling her everything that he knew.

Jo listened with soft eyes and an understanding look, but it wasn't until she reached out to touch him, that Dean remembered exactly why he had left Sam's side to come here.

"Don't!" Dean said with more heat than he had intended, moving away from the touch.

"Why Dean? What's going on?" Jo asked, bright eyed and girly. "I don't understand."

Dean looked at her and felt a pang of guilt. This was his fault. He had let himself get into this mess. He knew Jo was not a one night stand, he knew he would be seeing her again. He knew she would be hurt and royally pissed when it came time to end it.

It was always going to end, Dean never really doubted that. She wanted his heart, but his heart wasn't really his to give.

He had let temptation get the better of him, and as a result they had been fucking like rabbits for the past month. And while his emotional attachment to her was more than he had felt in a long time, he knew she was seeing things in him that simply weren't there.

"We're not doing this any more." Dean said evenly, looking her in the eye. "It's finished Jo. I'm sorry. I should have never let it start in the first place."

Jo moved towards him and tilted her head. "Why?" She asked disbelievingly.

"It just is," Dean said firmly. He really couldn't think of what else to tell her.

"That's not what you said when you where fucking my brains out last night." There was no heat in Jo's words, but there was a hint of seduction.

Bringing her hand to caress the side of Dean's face, she added, "You can't tell me it wasn't good. I know you liked it."

Dean could see what she was doing. Trying to sway his decision to end it, with sex. He knew that once upon a time the thought of regular fucking, especially from someone as hot as Jo, would have been enough for his downstairs brain to totally ignore his upstairs one. But now it was different.

"Yeah I enjoyed it," he said. A hint of bitterness in his tone. "Right up until the point Sammy called."

"He got himself into a fight Dean," she made it sound as if it were nothing. "That's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done."

"He got beat up Jo! And em _I_ /em should have been there." Deans' face clearly showed his own self-contempt. "If I weren't busy getting my rocks off with you then it wouldn't have happened."

"So that's it?" Jo said, gesturing with her hand. "You're breaking up with me because you think you have to baby sit Sam 24/7?"

Dean just looked at her, but there wasn't even a hint of comprehension. He didn't expect her to know, to understand, but the sheer fact that she could question his need to look after Sam made his job at saying "it's over" a hell of a lot easier.

His and Sam's relationship was complex and complicated, at best. But if she couldn't see that this is what family do, they watch each others back, then…

Dean's cell rang and he grabbed it from his back pocket. He didn't recognize the number, and for a moment he panic's when he hears the Nurse on the other end.

"Hello, Mr. Dale?" The nurse asks.

"Yes."

"You wanted us to inform you when your brother was awake." A statement, not a question.

"Yeah, thanks," Dean sighed, closing his eyes briefly in relief.

Flipping the phone closed he turned back to Jo. "Sam's awake, I gotta go."

Turning to walk out the door, Jo tried again. "He's fine Dean. You wouldn't have left the hospital if he wasn't. Another few minutes won't matter."

Dean let out a heavy sigh and turned to face her. "What is it you want me to say Jo?"

Jo smiled warily. "Just tell me the truth."

Dean's face softened, a flicker of guilt filtering into his eyes. "Jo…"

"Please Dean. I know there could be something between us if you just give it a chance."

Dean gave her a half smile. "No Jo, there couldn't."

"Why?" She asked, genuine in her need to know.

Dean set his jaw. He was torn, he couldn't tell her the truth, _I'm in love with my_ _brother, I could never love anyone else like that._ While telling her that she was too needy for him, that it was just sex (which of course was not totally true), was not really an option either.

"I simply can't Jo. I can't love you. Not the way you want me to anyway." He hoped she would understand, and that that would be enough.

The question in her eyes told him it wasn't.

Anger was starting to bubble, because hell, who was she anyhow? He hadn't promised her anything. He had told her from the get go that being monogamous was not his thing.

When the image of Sam lying in a hospital bed flickered through his mind, he realized that it should have been.

He hadn't been with anyone else since he had started his _relationship_ with Sam. He wondered why now, after their dad had died, it hadn't been enough, and he had turned to Jo.

"You wanna know Jo?" He said with a flick of his head, sarcasm in his voice. "Do you really wanna know?"

She stood her ground, her body language defiant. "Yes. I do."

"Because someday," he said, "maybe not now, maybe not next week, but someday, we're going to be in a situation where I have to choose."

Jo's eyes narrowed. _Choose?_

Dean could see that she was clueless, so he laid out the scenario for her. "We're on a hunt; you, me and Sam. We're after a Wendigo or a Werewolf or whatever." He motioned with his hand.

"It goes south," he continued, "and you both get yourselves into trouble."

"Me and Sam?" She asked, and Dean nodded. A slow understanding starting to show on her face.

"If…if I loved you," he tripped over the words. "Then it would hurt too much to lose you, and I would lose em _you_. /em "

Confusion showed on Jo's face once again.

"Because Jo." He looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood how serious he was. "If it came to a choice between a woman that I loved and my brother. Between you and him?" Dean huffed a small sigh. "Then darlin, I'm sorry. You would be as good as dead."

Jo's brow raised, hurt showing in her eyes.

Not one to easily give up, she thought, _So you could love me?_ Though she was shocked when she realized she had actually said it out loud.

Dean closed the gap between them and placed his hands on both her shoulders. He had to make sure she _heard_ him. Had to make sure she understood.

With a small smile he looked into her eyes. "Yeah," he said. "I guess I could." He grinned at the fact that it was Sam who had shown him he was capable of such a thing.

"But there's just one small problem with that," he continued.

"What's that?" Jo asked softly.

"I would always…_alway_s … choose Sam first. I will always love Sammy more."

**TBC **

**AN** Well guys, how did I do? My first Sam/Dean for quite a while. I promise it started out as a one shot, but my muse's had other ideas.

The last chapter, chapter two, will be posted as soon as I can organize it to be beta'd. (Volunteer anyone?)

I really hope that you all enjoyed this enough to look out for the next part when I post it.

Kisses

Zenamydog **AKA** Bethany16


	2. Chapter 2

Dean practiced what he was going to say to Sam on the way back to the hospital. He was angry and he knew it. He understood that he was being unreasonable, but he didn't care. Because once he had ascertained what had happened, he was going to kick his brother's ass for being there in the first place.

When Dean arrived he felt his heart skip when he saw two police officers standing outside of Sam's door.

Quickening his pace he walked straight up to them. "Hello. I'm Dean, Sam Dale's brother. Is there a problem here?"

"Oh, Mr. Dale," the younger of the policemen said, "we've been waiting for you. We'd like to have a few words."

Dean figured there would be some kind of investigation; his brother had been attacked after all. But really he had no information to give them and he was anxious to see Sammy. "Sure," he said begrudgingly, and he allowed the policeman to guide him to an unused waiting room.

Dean wasn't one to mince his words and the moment the door closed behind him he said, "Have you got the bastards who did this to my brother?"

"No not yet," the taller officer supplied. "But we think it's the same group of thugs that has bashed up three other men in this area over the last two months."

Dean's face showed surprise. "What? Why?"

"There's a pattern?" Dean continued. "The hunter in him coming momentarily to the surface.

The older policeman, Garry, took a deep breath. "Mr. Dale," he began "Is your brother gay?"

Dean took a step backwards. "Gay?" He repeated, mouth gapping. "What? No." Dean reacted on instinct. "I mean…why? Why would you ask something like that?"

"Well…" Officer Garry cleared his throat and tried to sound diplomatic before continuing. "It appears your brother went to a well known gay establishment last night."

Dean eyed the officer carefully. While he didn't like the idea one little bit, it was undoubtedly the truth.

"You think these…" Dean had had time to think now, and he was trying very hard not to, Because the more he profiled Sam's attackers, the harder it was not to hate. Hate could often mean revenge. Was he seriously thinking about killing human beings?

"They were gay bashers?" Dean straight out asked, trying hard not to flush.

Both officers's nodded in unison and officer Garry gave an apologetic smile. Not sure whether to say "I'm sorry," or "Yes."

Dean didn't want to think about Sam being eyed by other men. He sure as hell didn't think about Sam being touched by anyone but him. em _This just has to be one bad ass_ _mistake_. /em Dean reasoned.

Dean let out a super long breath before moving into Sam's doorway. _You didn't_ _know Sammy. That must be it. You didn't know_. Dean hard tried to convince himself.

Standing outside Sammy's door, Dean took a moment and looked at his brother. His face was so badly beaten he could hardly recognize him. Dean felt anger well up in the pit of his stomach, anger he knew he would have to push down until the time was right.

Right now he had to focus. Focus on getting Sam to forgive him. He had been such an ass to him lately. Not being able to cope with their father's death had him doing and saying things that he never would have if he didn't feel so wounded.

He knew his brother had tried to reach him. Tried to be there for him. Dean wondered why he couldn't handle it, couldn't let Sam, of all people, in? Why had he preferred to go to Jo instead?

Some of it was obvious; I mean really, have you taken a good look at Jo? But he had been so hateful and so cold to his brother. He saw what it did to Sam every time he left to see her. He just chose to ignore it.

But now, after this, he had to admit the truth. Jo was safe. Jo was a woman. Jo wasn't his brother.

He hoped he could change enough to make Sam happy. He knew A few more chick flick moments would be necessary. em _Yeah, I could do that. For Sammy I can do that_. /em Dean thought to himself.

He couldn't help but think that he was doomed to a life of being monogamous. It felt strange admitting that he didn't really mind.

Sam was simply… his.

Dean berated himself for not understanding that this was an all or nothing, once in a life time proposition with Sam. How could he have been so stupid?

Sam was his world. He finally understood that he had to be Sam's too.

When Dean entered the room, Sam was sitting in the bed with his eyes fixed firmly towards the window, staring almost blankly. "Hello," Dean said apprehensively when he knocked softly on the door.

Sam looked up at Dean briefly and gave him a small smile. "Hi."

Dean walked quickly to sit on the edge of his brother's bed. "Sam?" He asked, and blew out a breath as he waited for Sam to look at him.

When Sam didn't turn his head, but continued staring out of the window, Dean knew this was going to be difficult. Well, if he was honest with himself, he'd known this was going to be hard, but apparently Sam had no intention on making it any easier.

"Why did you go there?" Dean asked, keeping his voice low and as non judgmental as possible.

The question made Sam glance at him, but he diverted his eyes away again quickly.

"Sam," Dean's voice came out with authority. "Will you please look at me?"

He was beginning to feel frustrated. Time was of the essence. He had no idea how long it would be before he chickened out of this. Whatever this was or would become.

If he didn't voice the things he knew he had to, then maybe the opportunity would slip him by like it had so many times before. Maybe Sam would slip by him too.

Sam turned his head to look at his brother, and Dean could see anger flicker across his face. "I went to get a drink, okay?" Sam snapped.

Dean nodded, shifting his weigh on the too narrow hospital bed. "Did you know?" Dean asked plainly.

It scared Dean to see Sam's face devoid of anything but contempt when he answered coldly, "Know what?"

"Did you know what kind of bar it was before you went in?" Dean asked, watching Sam's reaction carefully.

Sam turned his head away and swallowed hard. When he didn't say anything and he didn't turn back, Dean knew the answer.

Confirmation came when Dean noticed the beginning of a_ shutdown _look in Sam's eyes. Sam was about to close down and not let anyone, not even Dean, in.

"Jesus Sam," Dean's voice betrayed both his shock and his disappointment. "You did know didn't you?"

"So?" Sam looked at him, this time there was something akin to a challenge in his eyes. A dare for Dean to mock him.

Dean opened his mouth to retort, but his heart wasn't up for his usual brand of sarcasm. "Why?" He managed to get out.

"I'd have thought that was pretty obvious Dean!" His brother said defiantly. Staring him straight in the eye.

Dean wasn't really sure what he expected Sam to say. But he was disarmed by the fact that Sam was being so up front with him about this.

Dean realized his heart was beating heavily, and understood it came from his rapidly growing jealousy. The thought that someone else had touched what was once his, made him feel sick. _Why would you want to sleep with another man?_

_Your mine, only mine,_ Dean thought, and he hoped it had shown on his face, because Sam picked up on it, creasing his brow and looking at Dean with a question in his eyes.

Nothing to do with his freaked out psychic powers of Sam's though… because that was the last thing Dean needed to deal with right now.

"What?" Sam said an underlying sarcasm clear in his tone. "You think you're the only one to take comfort from wherever he can get it? That you're the only one with needs?"

Dean could feel himself starting to tremble when Sam continued. "I have the right to fuck and be fucked too." Turning his head away, Sam mumbled, "its okay once you get use to it."

Dean's face paled. The implication that Sam had done this before floored Dean. "Why didn't you come to me?" The question came flying out of his mouth before he had a chance stop it.

Sam laughed loudly. He would have laughed longer and harder if it didn't hurt so much to do so. "You em _are_ /em kidding me right?" He spat, his words harder to understand as his emotions got the better of him.

"You haven't been around Dean!" Sam continued. "And even when you have been…" he trailed off and looked away. "I tried, but…"

"I wouldn't let you in." Dean admitted. Guilt and pain in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Sam's head shot up. This was the second time in a matter of a few weeks his brother had apologized straight up.

Sam shrugged and felt some of his anger drain away from him. Was his brother actually admitting to putting the walls up between them?

"It doesn't matter anyhow." Sam said. Protecting himself against any hope he may have that Dean actually understood. "I get it okay."

Dean's brow raised. "Get what?"

Sam sighed. This was hard, really hard, but he loved his brother enough to do it. "It's okay Dean. I know you have a right to be happy. I want you to be. It's just…"

Realization showed on Dean's face, but he waited for Sam to finish.

"It's just that I thought…" Sam floundered. "Forget it. I don't know what I thought."

"Sam?"

"Look, I said I get it already!" Sam's anger had returned.

Taking an unnaturally large breath, Dean readied himself to start em _this_ /em conversation all over again. "Sam? I need to tell you something."

"I don't want to hear it Dean!" Sam physically moved away, wincing at the pain the small movement made. "You love Jo. Okay. I know."

"Yeah," Dean confessed and Sam couldn't help but crinkle his nose. "But I'm not _in_ love with her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked softly.

"It's means I know why you went to that bar," Dean answered quickly.

Sam couldn't believe his ears. _How could he could he possibly know or_ _understand._ "I doubt it," Sam said disbelievingly. Dean couldn't possibly know how desperate for contact he had been.

While Sam's comfort was sought through uncaring and rough pleasures with anyone he'd picked up. Dean had found comfort in Jo's bed. The only real difference between them was their choice in sex. "I do," Dean said almost to low for Sam to hear him.

"I'm sorry you couldn't come to me. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I've been such a fucking idiot," Dean continued. "I'm sorry you had to turn to complete a stranger…" His face contorted involutarily. The thought giving rise to his Jealousy again.

"How many times?" Dean asked, and Sam heard both anger and tears in his voice.

Sam knew exactly what Dean was asking. "Twice," Sam answered softly, not flinching away from Dean's gaze.

Dean swallowed back the pain hearing that gave him in his heart. He did his best to keep emotions off his face.

"I've got a lot of to say to you Sammy." Dean began, and Sam worried he might be angry again. "If I can't…you know, find the words to tell you. If I don't say…"

"Dean?" Sam prompted.

Dean didn't know how to instigate any emotional talk. The em _chick flick moment_ /em here, potentially dangerous. He'd only ever em talked /em like this a handful of times in his whole life. Well, voluntarily anyhow. So he needed to change tactics.

Dean was fearless when he went after something that he wanted. And God, he wanted Sam. His competitive nature making him a force to be reckoned with. There was little that could make him back down and he liked winning. But as he sat there looking into Sam's expected eyes, he was nervous. Real nervous.

He would win Sam back, he was sure of it. Only this time it had nothing to do with the thrill of a win, and everything to do with the with the fear of losing him.

"I'm sorry Sam. I'm sorry I didn't see how much pain you were in." Dean said. Tears welling his eyes. "I get that I fucked up badly Sammy. "I just.. I really need you to forgive me."

Sam started to say something but Dean held up his hand indicating ... _Let me finish._

"I want you to give me a second chance." Dean looked as deeply into Sam's eyes as he could. "I need you to trust me again." He pleaded. "And I'm not talking, I've got your back, kind of trust either. Please Sam. I am trying to be as clear as I know how to be." Dean flushed.

Dean? Can I ask you something? Sam says in all seriousness. "And it's got to be the truth." Sam couldn't stop himself from waving a finger.

Dean caught the suggestion of a smile and relaxed slightly. "Anything Sammy." Dean gave the commitment to be truthful.

"Have you ever seen the movie Jerry McGuire?" Sam asked.

Dean was expecting to be blown away by Sam's question, but not totally.

And shit, was that out of left field or what?

"Excuse me?" Dean couldn't keep the laugh out of his voice or the smile off his face.

"Jerry McGuire? Have you seen it?" Sam asked again as if Dean hadn't heard him.

"Dude…What the fuck?" Dean said disbelievingly. "Why are you asking me about some chick flick _now_?

"So you know it's a chick flick?" Sam inquired. "Does that mean you've seen it?"

Sam was smiling now and so all Dean could think about was that this was a good thing. "Yeah, I may have seen it," Dean teased. "Once or twice," he admitted.

"Good," Sam spoke softy but with purpose.

Dean could see Sam starting to get self conscious, he seemed suddenly shy.

Sam took a long time to focus on Dean, and when he did there were tears in his eyes.

"You had me at hello," Sam whispered. A flicker of fear at being mocked, crossing his face.

And God if that wasn't one of… no actually, _the_ most girly thing Sam had ever said to him. _And the most romantic._

Resisting a smile, Dean slipped his hand to rest on the top of Sam's. "You know I have just soooooooooo many smart ass things to say to that don't you?" He joked.

Sam just kept staring at him and Dean felt his amusement turn serious when he looked into the depth that was Sam's eyes.

Resigning to himself that this was necessary, Dean gave Sam a crooked smile and began gripping at Sam's hand, entwining there fingers. "Hello's fine Sammy, but…" Dean's brain and mouth didn't want to correlate.

"But what?" Sam prompted.

All of a sudden Dean felt his breath starting to hitch. "But no goodbyes okay?" Dean let fly out of his mouth in a sob. "Not now, not ever. Okay?"

Sam's eyes engulfed Dean, and for a moment he worried that he'd been misunderstood. He couldn't let that happen. No ifs, buts, or maybes here. He had to make sure that Sam knew there would never be anyone else.

"I am not going to leave Dean, I promise." Sam said, but Dean wanted, em_ needed_ more.

"I know. But…" Dean had to make sure Sam was on the same page. "But, no more bars okay? No one else gets to touch you but me."

Sam's flinched slightly, and Dean knew straight away that he was thinking about him being with Jo. "I told Jo," Dean confessed quickly.

Sam's eyes widened. "No!" Dean playfully smacked at Sam's head. "Not about that. Not about…us." Dean's voice cracked a little on the em _us_. /em "I just told her we couldn't see each other any more."

Sam looked back into Dean's eyes then. "You did?"

"What?" Dean feigned being offended. "You think I would ask you to be faithful and not me?" Shit. Did he just say em _faithful_ /em ?

And yeah he did, because Sam was saying now, only he didn't seem sure if Dean was on the level. "You want us to be faithful to each other?" Sam kind of smirked.

Dean felt his cheeks redden, but he was in for a penny now, in for a pound. "Yeah, something like that," he grinned.

Dean started to lean in, and Sam tilted his head up to meet him. Their lips barely touched when there was a knock at the door jerking them apart.

Dean wasn't sure what Officer Garry had seen, but the neutral expression on his face as he and his partner entered, told him they were safe.

"Mr. Dale?" Garry asked. "We'd like to ask you a few more questions if you're feeling up to it?"

Sam could see Dean's soft expression turn hard. "Could this wait until morning?" Dean said standing. Instinctively moving between the policemen and Sam.

"I'm sorry, it can't I'm afraid. We have apprehended someone who maybe one of the offenders. We need you're brother to look at some photo's." The younger officer informed him.

Sam grabbed Dean's wrist. His hand lingering a moment longer than needed. "It's okay. I'd rather do this sooner that later," he told Dean.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked, determined not to let anyone upset his brother.

Sam nodded and took the photo's the policeman gave to him, spreading all six out in front of him.

Dean looked at the faces and then at his brother. He watched as Sam's eyed each photo carefully.

Sam swallowed hard and Dean knew straight away by the brief hint of pain that he'd recognized someone.

"Him," Sam said as he pointed to the photo on the top left.

Both officers looked at each other briefly. "And him," Sam added, pointing to the photo next to it.

"Good work Sam," Officer Garry said. We have Ian Grett in custody. This other one you pointed to is his brother Paul. We thought they may have been in this together."

Dean's face hardened when he saw the flicker of fear and pain return to Sam's eyes. He looked at the photo's taking a mental snapshot.

_Yeah Sammy, good work. _Dean thought._ But you don't have to worry about them ever again. I'm_ _going to make sure of that_.

**TBC **

**AN:** Okay okay, so I said this was going to be a two parter I know but…Well hell, my muse had other ideas and told me I had to make it three.

Besides, I was hoping that you all wanted to see these guys get what's coming to them. Because as sure as hell, I know Dean does. LOL

Reviews are what I hunger for, so please feed me!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **As good as dead. Chapter Three.  
**Chapter: **3/4  
**Author:** "**Zenamydog"  
Rating:** NC-17  
**Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Characters/Pairing: **PrimarilySam/Dean (Established relationship) Dean/Jo Sam/OMC  
**Warnings: **Mention of M/M sex **Tiny spoilers** for anything b **already** aired in the U.S. Schmoop

**Beta **The wonderful **"snfan3"**  
**Feedback: **It's the only thing thatmakes it all worth while!  
**Disclaimer: **Own nothing but my imagination and my wishful thinking.

**AN:** **"snfan3"** As always you keep me in line. Thank you will never be enough.

**Summery:**_"Because Jo." He looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood how serious he was. "If it came to a choice between a woman that I loved and my brother. Between you and him?" Dean huffed a small sigh. "Then darlin, I'm sorry. You would be as good as dead."_ /em

**Chapter Three**

a href"http://community. http://community. I've missed this," Dean said as he deepened the kiss.

Sam was lying on his side under the blankets while Dean lay beside him on top of them.

"Me too," Sam breathed into the kiss hesitantly.

Pulling back slowly, Dean put his hand to Sam's face and gently rubbed his thumb over the swollen bruises. He looked deep into his brother's eyes. They were full of love and trust. Dean wondered if this sudden protectiveness he felt was going to rip his chest open. "I want to kill them you know," he said seemingly of the blue.

Sam frowned. "Yeah, I know." A worried look filtering onto his face.

"I don't get it," Dean said as he trailed his hand softly down Sam's arm. "Hate crimes. They just don't make any kind of sense."

"Prejudice and bigotry never does," Sam replied, closing his eyes in response to Dean's touch.

Dean leaned into the crook of Sam's neck and kissed him just behind the ear, licking and nibbling slowly. "I want you," he murmured. "God I want you."

Sam let out an involuntary moan. He desperately wanted Dean too. It wasn't until Dean slipped his hand under the blanket that he was brought back to reality and all the reasons why they couldn't do this. Not yet anyhow.

Grabbing Dean's wrist, Sam halted Dean's hand from moving lower. "No," he said with more intensity than he intended.

Dean didn't stop, instead he moved his mouth to Sam's ear and bit the lobe teasingly. "Come on Sammy, it's been so long. I'll be careful. I'll make it good for you I promise."

Sam sat up, almost pushing Dean off the bed. "I said no!"

Dean blinked and looked at his brother frowning. "Okay whatever." Feigning indifference was all Dean could think to do. "This is going to be a long recovery…" Dean muttered and moved to stand.

Sam grabbed him before he could leave the bed, "Dean…please," he said. His hand was trembling.

"What?" Dean was a little peeved. He didn't understand why Sam couldn't seem to forgiven him, even though he said that he had. "You're still angry at me, I get it," Dean's tone was harsh.

"No." Sam took hold of Dean's hand and squeezed. "No Dean that's not it. Not it at all."

It was only now that Dean could see, really see Sam's distress, and felt his had shaking. Anger quickly turned to concern. "What then?"

Sam turned his head and looked away, not wanting to meet his brother's eyes.

"Sam?" Dean felt his stomach drop. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Sam didn't say anything, but his face did and Dean knew instantly that he'd been keeping something from him.

"Sam?" Dean asked again with more urgency this time.

"Yeah," Sam said quietly while he contemplated telling Dean the whole truth.

Dean's mind reeled at the possibilities. _Jesus!_ Dean thought. Had they done something more than just bash the living shit out of his brother?

Dean was starting to put two and two together. He felt sick when he realized how awkwardly Sam had been walking. _Fuck. Oh God_ he thought as his mind went straight to the worst possible scenario.

"They…they" Sam began.

When Sam started with "they" Dean felt his gut tighten. "What Sam? What happened?" Dean's voice was panicked. His face was hard, as if that would stop the emotions from bubbling to the surface.

Sam looked at Dean, he could see the strain, the absolute rigidness in which Dean held himself. em _"I want to kill them you know" /em _bounced around in Sam's head and he knew he could not tell Dean the truth.

When Sam lowered his head and Dean could see his eyes starting to fill, he was beyond panic. "Sammy? Oh God. They didn't…?"

It took a moment for Sam to realize what Dean had concluded and he was quick to dispel the idea. "No…no Dean. They…they didn't…rape me." He forced himself to say the word.

Dean closed his eyes, letting out a loud sigh of relief. "Oh thank god," he said, and didn't hide the fact that he was relieved when he opened his eyes and looked at Sam's worried face. "Then what? What happened?"

Sam found it hard to lie to his brother, his lover. He was never quite able to pull it off without Dean knowing, so he decided he needed to stick with part truths instead. "They kicked me," he blushed. "Hard and… a lot."

Dean's face told Sam he didn't quite understand. "You know," he added, motioning south with his chin. "Down there."

Dean's brow rose. What was Sam telling him? "It's badly bruised and…" Sam continued.

"And what Sam?" Dean asked apprehensively. 'Cause hell, this affected him too.

"Well, I'm just afraid… I just think that if I get…you know…hard. Then it's going to be really painful."

Dean half smiled, he was relieved. At least he could still get hard. Then the reality of the kind of pain Sam must be in got through to him.

God he could be a jerk sometimes. "It's okay Sammy," he said wrapping his arms around Sam, pulling him to his chest. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed so hard. I just…I just miss you, that's all."

Sam laid his head on Dean's shoulder. "It's okay," Sam soothed. He hated not telling his brother the truth though he tried to reconcile it by the fact that he wasn't _ actually_ lying.

"It's not okay." Dean held him tighter. "I can be a selfish bastard sometimes."

It had been several days since Sam had been released from the hospital and Sam's bruises and cuts were healing really well. Dean thought that may have had something to do with the creams the hospital had supplied him. Dean reminded himself to get the name of the stuff so he could add it to their first aid kit.

But Sam was not himself, he was withdrawn and jumpy. Even a little cold towards his brother. They hadn't touched since the time that Dean lay down beside him, when he first got back from hospital.

Sam sat at the kitchen table, looking through the local paper. Dean had been watching him take small sips of his coffee. God he wanted to be that paper cup right now.

Moving to the back of his brother, Dean laid a gentle hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam immediately bought his own hand up to Dean's and tilted his head into the warmth of their hands.

Dean took Sam's response as a good sign and lent down to kiss him. He wanted to be gentle but the moment their lips met, the overwhelming _need, want, yearning_ for his brother took over.

Sam responded to the kiss, he couldn't hide how good it felt. Then, like he'd been suddenly burnt, he pushed Dean away.

"Sam?" Dean asked as he looked questioningly at his brother. "What is it? Why won't you let me touch you…? I'll be careful I promise. I just need…" Dean tried to smile. "You do know I want to right?" Dean took in a shaky breath and coughed, bringing his hand to his mouth, stalling. _Were chick flics going to become a daily thing?_

"It's, nothing Dean. I…I'm just still really sore. And yeah, I want you too. Just…just not yet okay."

Sam hadn't meant to push Dean away like he did, but he was still sore and irritable. The fact that he'd been lying to Dean about the extent of his injuries had _nothing_ to do with it.

Dean smiled slightly and nodded, leaning in for another kiss. He silently resolved to make sure that none of his actions would hurt Sam. This time the kiss was slow and soft, devoid of the sexual overtone. "Yeah okay." Dean reluctantly accepted Sam's reasons for once again not getting past first base.

Dean's face showed his disappointment and Sam averted his eyes guiltily. "I need a shower," Sam commented, shifting the conversation as he lifted one of his arms and inhaled before slowly rising and making his way to the bathroom.

"Need a hand?" Dean joked. Okay maybe he wasn't joking, but Sam turned and gave him a lopsided grin, then closed the bathroom door.

Dean thought Sam's smile was worth the half hearted attempt at a joke.

Dean had tried to be patient, he understood that his brother had been in a lot of pain, but there was a nagging feeling in his gut. Something was not quite right here, he just couldn't put his finger on it, nor could he shake the instinct that told him something was wrong.

Dean sat down on Sam's bed when he heard the shower turn on. _Sam's bed_ Dean mused. He had been sleeping in the other bed since they had gotten back from the hospital and he yearned to at least be able to curl up beside his lover. _Lover?_ Shit. Sam really was turning him into a girl.

The thought of Sam beside him made his cock twitch and damn it, the thought of Sam naked in that shower was pooling the blood where he didn't want it to be.

_Fuck it,_ he thought as he made the decision. Maybe he couldn't touch Sam, but hell; he could get himself off while he watched him. _Maybe he will let me kiss it better_ Dean grinned to himself, though it faded slowly when he realized how much he actually longed to be close to Sam.

Dean moved quietly to the bathroom, making sure he opened the door without it squeaking.

"Dean?" Sam called out. Okay, so Dean wasn't as stealthy as he wanted to be.

Dean smiled. "Yeah Sam, I thought you may have reconsidered that helping hand." _I know I_ _could use_ _one, preferably yours_.

"No!" Sam's voice sounded frightened and Dean was instantly worried.

"Oh come on Sam." Dean tried to stay chirpy. "It's not as if I have seen it all before," he said as he raised his hand and pulled the curtain across.

"No don't!" Sam screamed, covering himself with his hands, not realizing his side on view gave Dean a clearer picture of his injuries.

The damage was done. Dean had seen everything.

Dean drew in a deep gasp, and his eyes widened in shock. His heart skipped a beat before it began to race. He didn't say anything. He couldn't. The sight before him too terrible even to imagine.

"Dean?" Sam began in an apologetic tone.

Dean backed up until his back hit the wall. His mind failed him. He had no way of reconciling the bloody and puss filled sores weeping from Sam's ass, balls and cock with his brother's beautiful body.

"Dean please…" Sam said, which was enough for Dean to snap out of the shock. Anger and hatred filled him as he surged forward grabbing his brother hard by the shoulders. "What did they do?" He screamed. "What the fuck did they do?"

Dean began to shake Sam. "Answer me!"

When Sam cringed in pain and fear, Dean let go. He was furious, but not at Sam. "Shit…shit!" He muttered, clenching his fists.

Dean hurried out of the bathroom, he was dripping wet now, but he didn't care. Scouring the bedroom his eyes he found what he was looking for, Sam's duffle bag.

Sam came out in just his boxers and watched Dean as he ransacked the bag in search of something. "What are you looking for?" Sam narrowed his eyes.

Dean didn't say a word, but he finally found the two creams the hospital had given Sam for his aftercare. Reading the labels quickly he looked up at Sam in disbelief. They were burn creams.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to scream or cry, the image of Sam being burnt over and over again now swirling around in his head. "How?" Was all he could get out through clenched teeth.

"Cigarettes," Sam answered lowering his head. For some reason he felt shame.

"Jesus Sam," Dean's breath hitched as he fought to keep control. "You weren't going to tell me about this were you?"

Sam slowly raised his head again. "I couldn't."

"Why the fuck not!" Dean yelled, his eyes narrowing and his face contorted into a snarl.

"Because Dean…" Sam was crying. "Because sometimes you frighten me. When your head is in a different place…"

"What?" Dean had no clue what Sam was talking about. "I frighten you?"

Sam looked closely at Dean, defiance flaring in his eyes. Sam needed to push the point. "Tell me you're not angry Dean. Tell me that if those brothers and the other two walked through that door right now you wouldn't hurt them?" Sam tried to make Dean understand. "You wouldn't kill them?"

Dean turned his head and looked up, trying to gather his thoughts. Because Dean knew, that if em _right now_ /em those men came through that door, there would be nothing left of them to find.

"The law needs to handle this Dean. I…I was just scared of what you might do." Sam added.

"Yeah, like hunt them down like the fucking scum that they are," Dean seethed.

"Please…" Sam said, taking a step forward.

"Don't," Dean said as he grabbed his coat, phone and keys quickly. "Don't touch me." He saw instantly the hurt in Sam's eyes. "I'm sorry Sam. I'm too fucking angry," he explained as he bolted out the door.

He needed to get to the roadhouse.

Sam sat on the side of his bed and glanced at the clock for the umpteenth time. Dean had been gone for over two hours now. It was late in the night and Sam was starting to really worry. He had no idea where his brother had gone and he hoped, _prayed_ that his instincts were wrong.

He scoffed, he couldn't remember the last time they had been.

He hadn't told Dean about the cigarettes, about the men pulling his pants down and repeatedly laying the hot cinders on him. They laughed as they did it and called him "fag" and "dirty fucking queer." Telling him he wouldn't be sodomizing anyone for quite a while.

Sam gagged as he remembered being totally helpless. They had already beaten him to near unconsciousness, and yeah, they really did kick him repeatedly in the groin.

Sam knew that Dean would be churning inside. That usually meant Dean would be ruthless and/or careless. _God Dean. Please don't do anything stupid_. Sam prayed. _Please just come home._

**TBC**

**AN:** Yep you guessed it. I just couldn't help myself. I wrote most of it while chatting to snfan3.

There was so much story still left to explore, I just kept going. LOL

Hence there is one more chapter to come. (Promise this time)

Hope you liked it enough to stick with it. grins

Hugs


	4. Chapter 4

**Summery:**_"Because Jo." He looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood how serious he was. "If it came to a choice between a woman that I loved and my brother. Between you and him?" Dean huffed a small sigh. "Then darlin, I'm sorry. You would be as good as dead."_ /em

**Chapter Four **

Dean met Ellen's glare straight on when he walked into the road house. He wasn't sure if she was pissed off because he had just dumped her daughter, or if she was still thinking about John being her husbands partner on his final hunt.

Whatever it was, Dean didn't care. There were too many things going on inside him right now and she wasn't even in the top ten. "Can I get a beer," he asked abruptly as he sat on the bar stool.

"Sure," Ellen said, grabbing a clean glass and placing it under the beer tap.

Dean had forgotten that he had been soaked in the shower with Sam, so when Ellen said something about his damp clothes he flinched. "Didn't know it had been raining," she added innocently.

Dean just looked at her and took swig of his beer. "I need to speak to Ash," he said. "Is he in his room?"

"No. He's running an errand for me," Ellen replied. Her eyes softening a little when she realized how upset Dean really was. "Jo told me what happened to Sam. Is he alright?"

"No," Dean said quietly without looking up from his beer, swishing it around in the glass; needing to do something with his hands.

"No? What do you mean no?" Ellen asked, a tinge of fear in her voice.

Dean didn't understand it completely. He really didn't know why he wanted to tell the whole ugly story to Ellen. She was a mother figure, he knew that, but his need to spill his guts to her was unexpected. "They tortured him, burnt him with cigarettes," Dean let out.

"Oh Dean…" Ellen's sincerity was obvious. "Who, I mean why?" She asked.

_Because he was trying to pick up some random stranger in a gay bar while I was too busy fucking your daughter. _"Mistaken identity," Dean answered.

Ellen didn't push, she could see that Dean would close off if given the wrong prompt about what happened to Sam. "Is that why you're here?" Ellen asked knowingly. "To find the assholes that did this?"

Again Dean said nothing, but he didn't need to. The coldness in his eyes spoke volumes.

Ellen nodded her head. "What are you going to do Dean?" Ellen wanted to know. "We're talking people here, not ghosts or demons."

And fuck. Didn't he just have this conversation with Sam, a few days back? "So?" Dean snapped. "They're fucking evil sons of bitches. They deserve whatever they get."

"And what exactly are they going to get?" Ellen asked defiantly. "You? You're going to make 'em pay for what they did to Sam?"

Dean's eyes were wide and blown. "Damn straight," he answered venomously.

Just then Ash walked through the door, his hands full of assorted groceries and shopping bags. "Hey dude," he acknowledged Dean, then smiled at Ellen, sensing the tension immediately. "What's up man?"

Dean glanced quickly at Ellen and moved to help Ash put all the bags and boxes down. "I need your help," he said. "Can we talk in private?"

Ash's gorky smile widened. "Well sure dude," he said as he motioned to Dean, leading him out the back.

Ellen watched them both leave. _Shit_ she thought as she walked to the phone and looked through the index of phone numbers.

Dean had been out with Ash for over an hour, searching and breaking into police files. Ash hadn't said anything when he came across the police photo's of Sam's burns, just meeting Dean's eyes with a small nod.

"So…" Ash said as he returned to look at the screen and click his mouse on another option. "These are the other two," he said as he swung the lap top around for Dean to see. "The brothers are already in custody, but these two are still out there."

"Not for long," Dean muttered and walked away, pacing. "Can you get an address?"

"Well I dare say the police have already looked at last knowns, but here's a list of hang outs they frequent." Ash hit print and a few seconds later handed Dean the list.

"Thanks," Dean said as he grabbed his coat ready to start looking for these animals.

"You know that's pretty heavy shit ya thinking about doing right?" Ash called after him, causing Dean to stop and look up.

"If that was Jo or Ellen?" Dean didn't need to finish the question. Ash just tilted his head in acknowledgement, his face clearly showing that Dean was right.

"Yeah," was all he could say. I mean really, what did you say to someone who you knew was about to go out, hunt down and kill someone in cold blood?

Sam slowed his pace a little. Having no transport available, he had taken off running after Ellen had called him. He almost didn't notice his injuries in his hurry to get to Dean, just that they slowed him down.

He could see the road house now and he panicked a little when he didn't see the impala anywhere in sight. Fuck, was he too late?

All eyes turned towards Sam when he opened the door; Ellen, Jo and Ash had been expecting him. Ellen and Ash had filled Jo in and they were all now sitting at the bar waiting for Sam.

"Sammy," Jo said as she rose from the stool and met him half way cross the room. Sam flinched at hearing em _her_ /em call him that. "It's Sam," he corrected and met Jo's gaze. _Dean's the only one that gets to call me that_.

Sam's demure softened slightly when he saw the genuine concern in Jo's eyes. He realized that Jo would have hung around Dean so much and have heard Dean call him that so often, it really was just a slip of the tongue. "Is he still here?" Sam asked softly.

"No," Ash piped up from behind Jo. "Left twenty two minutes and…" He glanced at his watch. "forty seven seconds ago."

Sam walked to the bar and stood intimidatingly close to Ash. "Where's he headed Ash?"

Sam knew that where ever Dean was going, it would be Ash's lead that would have given him direction. "What did you tell him?"

"Chill dude," Ash threw his arms up in defense. "He came here looking for info on a hunt. Took a minute to realize it was a people hunt."

Sam froze. Had Dean been that open about his intentions?

"He's after the two that aren't in custody." Ash continued. "I gave him a list of their hang outs."

Sam breathed out heavily. "I need that…"

Before Sam could finish the sentence, Ash handed him a copy of what he had given Dean. "Dude," there was an apology in his voice. "There's no saying no to your brother, you know?"

Sam smiled a little. Yeah, he knew.

Glancing at the paper in his hand, Sam muttered his thanks and his need to hurry.

Sam was barely two steps out from the door when he heard Jo call out after him. "I'm coming with you!"

Sam turned on his heals to see Jo walking hurriedly towards him, struggling to put on her coat. "No way!"

"Yes way!" This time it was Jo who met _his_ gaze. "We don't know what Dean's going to get himself into, and you may need back up." Jo's eyes unconsciously flickered to Sam's groin.

It was clear she knew about Sam's less obvious injuries.

_I don't need **you** to back me up_

"I don't need back up." Sam managed to say.

Jo was standing her ground fiercely and Sam thought briefly of her as a hunter and not as Dean's ex. "I don't think…"

"This isn't about you or what you think Sam! This is about Dean! It's about finding him before he does something so stupid he…" Jo took a calming breath before continuing. "He winds up dead or in jail."

Jo looked defiantly into Sam's eyes and Sam knew he'd lost. She was driven by the same thing he was. Something so powerful that there was no way either of them could fight it.

There was an unspoken bond between them. They both loved Dean Winchester.

Without saying another word, they got into Jo's pick up and headed towards town.

Dean walked down Stone Drive towards the first hang out on the list. He had the mental picture of these guys from a photo Ash managed to pull up from the police files.

Dean's stomach clenched as he approached the door to the small coffee shop. He took calming breaths. em _Stick with the plan_/em he told himself. It was going to take all of his self control not to dispose of this fungus the moment he laid eyes on them.

"Yeah hi," Dean gave the forty something waitress the brightest of smiles. "Could I just get a coffee please." He glanced at the waitresses name tag and added, "Celia."

She smiled back briefly and scurried off to get the coffee. Dean started to take in his surroundings and the people in the café.

Celia returned a moment later with the coffee. "I'm just looking for a couple of friends of mine." Dean gave her his best seductive grin. "Was wondering if you'd know them? George Hummer and Mark Steen?" he continued.

Recognition immediately crossed Celia's face. "Oh yeah, I know George and Mark. But I haven't seen em around here for a few days," she commented and frowned.

Dean's face tightened a little. Did he really think he would find them first try? "Oh really," Dean's disappointment was not an act. "Well any idea where I could find them?"

"Well…" Celia bought the pen she used to take orders with up to her lips. "They use to hang out a lot with Ian and Paul. But…" She lent in closer to Dean, like it was a secret. "There in Jail. Word is they beat some shmuck up."

"Ian and Paul?" Dean felt his blood running cold. "Their brother's right?"

"Yeah." Celia seemed embarrassed that maybe Dean had been friends with them too. "Ah sorry, it's just…"

"Their no friends of mine, never met them actually," Dean got out quickly when he thought that Celia was about to shut down.

Cilia's face lit up a little. "They're bad news," she admitted.

"How so?" Dean asked.

"Well I think they belong to some cult or something," she said.

Deans' eyes widened. "Cult?" He was suddenly a lot more intense.

"Oh, not cult," she corrected. "More like a group or something. Like skinheads or the K.K.K. Preaching hatred and always talking about how it's us and them."

Dean's heart settled back in his chest. For a moment he thought that maybe this was going to be a lot easier than he planned.

Cult meant worshipers or something close. It meant the possibility of the supernatural being involved. It meant that Dean could kill them and not have to worry about it.

Not that he intended to worry. Christ no. After what they put his brother through? No, he wasn't going to give killing these sons of bitches another thought. Really he wasn't.

"So this…group," Dean began. "Do they have like a meeting place or something?"

"Well yes… I think it's the club house on fifth street," Celia responded. "But I thought you were looking for George and Mark?"

"Well yes, but you said they hung out with Ian and Paul, so I was just thinking that maybe…"

"Oh no," Celia interrupted. "Not George and Mark. There good Christian folk, they wouldn't be involved with that type of thing. I mean, yeah they do seem to be friends with Ian and Paul, but I think that's because their families know each other."

_Good Christian folk? _Dean wanted to laugh almost as much as he wanted to vomit at the thought of his brothers suffering being conducted all in the name of Christianity.

"Fifth street?" Dean asked and Celia went on to give him directions.

Sitting across from each other in the semi-circle booth, Sam and Jo had arrived at the café about an hour after Dean had left. It was getting on to dinner time and the place was full, with not a waitress in sight.

For a long moment there was an awkward silence. It wasn't as if they had said anything to each other on the way there, but now they were face to face and Sam couldn't help but feel a little vulnerable.

"Do you really think," Jo was the first to speak. "Do you really think Dean could…?"

"Kill a human?" Sam finished the question for her.

Jo nodded. "I mean…beat the shit out of them maybe, but murder?"

Sam swallowed hard and couldn't meet Jo's eyes. _Murder_ echoed in his mind. He had been avoiding putting a word to what Dean was out there trying to do.

He shocked even himself when he answered, "Yeah…yeah I do."

Jo sighed, a look of frustration crossing her face. "Why?" She asked. "They burnt you…right? Ash said they…"

"I don't really want to discuss it!" Sam snapped. _It's none of you goddamned_ _business_ _why it happened_.

"Sorry," Jo muttered, a little shocked by the severity of Sam's reaction. "I just thought if I could understand, then…"

Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again he looked at Jo and realized she was right. "Look, it's just Dean okay. He's got this thing in his head about protecting me and he's just…" Sam shrugged. "I dunno, he's just taken it a bit too far this time."

It wasn't what she had asked. He didn't explain the reason why those thugs attacked him, but he figured it may be enough to placate her.

It wasn't.

"So you went to a bar and got into a fight. But, why did they," she hesitated, "you know, torture you like that?"

Jo's eyes were soft, and Sam couldn't find it in him to brush her off sarcastically. That was Dean's gig.

Obviously, _because it was a gay bar and they were gay bashers _ wasn't going to go down well. "There are some sick people out there Jo," Sam didn't need to sound convincing on that count. "I guess not all evil has to be supernatural."

Jo seemed to accept that and nodded slowly. "Well I just hope Dean calms down enough to think clearly before he finds them."

em _Don't bet on it_. /em "Me too," Sam agreed, his face sullen.

Jo looked up when the waitress finally came over to take their orders. "What'll be?"

Sam looked down at the menu and ordered coffee and a sandwich, Jo did the same.

"Ah, I was just wondering if you could help us with something," Sam piped up before she left the table. "We're looking for some friends of ours. George Hummer and Mark Steen?"

The waitress smiled. "Well aren't they the popular ones today. Just had another guy in here looking for them, not more than an hour ago."

It didn't take Sam long to gain the same information from Celia that Dean had, and even less time to be back in the truck and on their was to Fifth Street.

"Klu Klux Klan?" Jo mused out loud as she drove. "This is not making any sense. I get that these guys are part of a gang, but they usually only go after blacks, Jews or…"

Jo glanced quickly at Sam and saw Sam shift position. He wouldn't look at her and Jo felt totally overwhelmed. "You're Gay?"

Again Sam wouldn't look at her, but his cheeks turned bright red and he squirmed, giving her the answer. em _Jesus, he is._ /em

There was a long few minutes of silence before Jo spoke again. "Does Dean know?" She asked tentatively.

He didn't want to discuss this with her. Hell, he didn't want to discuss this with anyone, but he was worried that she may take the next tangible step and figure out his and Dean's relationship. "Yeah, he knows," Sam said softly.

Jo turned the truck into Fifth Street and started to look for a parking space. Her mind was reeling with this new information. It wasn't like she had anything against gays, but Sam? She wondered why Dean hadn't told her, hadn't even alluded to it. It didn't need to be such a huge secret, not these days anyhow.

It didn't take long for Jo to start replaying little things in her mind. Maybes that he had in fact had let her know. _Because Jo. If it came to a choice between you and my brother…_ One thought led to another and it wasn't long before Jo realized that Dean's reaction to all of this was way more intense that it should have been.

Pulling the truck into the only available parking space, a block and a half away from where they needed to go, Jo turned off the engine and took the keys from the ignition. She turned in her seat and looked directly at Sam. _Dean's acting more like a jealous boyfriend than…_ "No fucking way!"

Sam didn't need to see the bitter look in her eyes to know. She had figured it out. She knew that he and Dean were lovers.

**TBC**

**A/N:** I'm not saying sorry again because my muses wont let me finish this damn thing. I do hope your all still liking it though. The reviews have gone down, so I guess it is time to tell my muse to "shut up." LOL

Next chapter should be the last. Thanks heaps guys


	5. Chapter 5

**Title** As good as dead. Chapter Five.

**Chapter** 5/5

**Author** "Zenamydog"

**Rating** NC-17

**Fandom** Supernatural

**Characters/Pairing** Primarily Sam/Dean (Established relationship) Dean/Jo Sam/OMC

**Warnings** Mention of M/M sex b Tiny spoilers /b for anything b already /b aired in the U.S. Schmoop

**Beta** The wonderful lj user"spangelsgirl"

**Feedback** It's the only thing that makes it all worth while!

**Disclaimer** Own nothing but my imagination and my wishful thinking.

**Summery** "Because Jo." He looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood how serious he was. "If it came to a choice between a woman that I loved and my brother. Between you and him?" Dean huffed a small sigh. "Then darlin, I'm sorry. You would be as good as dead." /em

**AN:** Okay, folks, so I have to confess, I posted chapter one of this fic on November 5th, 2006. I wrote the first four parts in four weeks, but then my muse for this one went on holidays. I've re-read it now and I think, gosh, 6 months and wow, the difference I see in the way I write.

Anyhow, to anyone who read the four chapters, way back then. Please please accept my apologies. A personal peeve has always been of authors who don't finish what they started. wipes brow I'm not one of those any more. grins Hope you enjoy.

"Did you really think you'd get away with it?" Dean snarled as he pushed Mark into the wall. "Where's your friend? Where's George?"

Mark looked at him as if he was crazy. He'd only been caught off balance and it's not as if it would take much to get Dean off of him and to kick his fucking ass.

Dean's hands were screwed tightly into Mark's jacket and he was holding him with so much strength that Mark had to re-think his idea about taking Dean down. Well, at least not easily.

"What? George? Why do you want, George? Who the fuck are you and what the hell is this all about?"

Dean pushed his forearm against the man's throat. The man turned all shades of red and purple. "I said, Where is he?" If he pushed just that little bit harder, then that would be it. One down, three to go.

But Dean wanted the other one, he wasn't going to be satisfied until all four of them were dead. He knew Ian and Paul were in custody, but he would figure that one out later. Right now he just wanted to know where George was.

"He's at the clubhouse," Mark choked out.

"Are you sure?" Dean released a little and then pushed back.

"Yes," Mark could hardly breathe, let alone speak. "I… I'm sure."

Dean released the man and took two steps back, pulling a gun from his jeans.

Mark brought his hand to his throat with a look of total shock on his face. "What the…?"

"On your knees," Dean said, his face so twisted with distain it was hardly recognizable.

"Why are you doing this?" Mark asked holding up his hands as tears welled in his eyes.

"I said on your fucking knees!" Dean cocked the gun and pointed it directly at his head.

Mark dropped to his knees and looked up into Dean's eyes pleadingly. "Please, please. I haven't done anything. I don't even know who you are. Why are you doing this?"

Dean took a step forward and put the gun to Mark's mouth, applying just enough pressure, to make him open.

Mark's brow was sweating and he was shaking. His eyes were so full of fear that Dean lost his concentration for a split second. "You wanna know why?" Dean hissed.

Mark nodded even though he had a gun in his mouth.

"Please?" Dean mocked. "Didn't Sam say please? Didn't he fucking beg? Beg you to stop?"

When Mark still looked blank, Dean continued. "Two weeks ago. The Hipshack bar. The alley out the back."

Mark looked confused for a moment, just before his eyes widened in recognition.

"That tall dark headed guy. The one you beat the fuck out of and then tortured." Dean's hand was shaking, but it was rage not nerves.. "That was my brother."

Mark shook his head. "No. Please," he begged.

Dean wasn't sure, but the look on Mark's face confirmed that Sam had indeed, begged. Those images, the ones of Sammy in agony, terror on his face, begging for the pain to stop, almost caused Dean to pull the trigger right then.

"But you didn't stop, did you?" Dean crouched down so he can get right up in Mark's face. "You laughed! You fucking laughed!"

Mark started to cry and the sobs echoed through the empty alley. "Are you scared Mark? Are you? Because Sam was," Dean said, pushing the gun further into the man's throat. "He was terrified, but you kept going and you fucking LAUGHED!"

Mark made a muffled sound and closed his eyes. His tears fell freely..

"But you wanna know the real reason?" Dean's face contorted into a real snarl. "Why I'm going to blow you're brains right out of your head?"

Mark took in a deep breath and whimpered as he opened his eyes and looked at up at his captor. Dean knew what he was thinking. It's self explanatory isn't it? He's beaten his brother up. What else could it be?

Dean grinned and his eyes were full of malice. "Sam is my lover."

Satisfaction flowed through Dean as he watched the sheer bewilderment and shock on Mark's face.

Dean pulled the trigger and walked away.

People passed by looking oddly at them. Sam could hear someone calling his name but he was too far gone to react. He was on his knees curled up in a ball, the searing pain through his head made it impossible to move.

"Sam!" Jo said with both urgency and compassion. She was on her knees beside him. "Sam, what can I do?" She wasn't sure what was happening, but she knew Sam had visions and she was pretty sure that was what's going on.

"Is he having some kind of seizure?" one of the passer by's asked. "Do you want me to call 911?"

Jo looked up. "No! I…I mean yes he is, but no you don't need to call an ambulance."

Sam was starting to make sounds now, and he was starting to realize he was in the middle of a very public street, on his knees and groaning. He was dazed and in pain, but he managed to get to his feet.

Jo took his arm and put it around her shoulder. He really didn't want her help. He didn't want to lean on her, but he had no other choice.

She led him to sit down at a near by bus shelter and just watched him with concerned eyes. "Sam?"

Sam rubbed his hands up and down his face, trying to get some sort of focus. "We need to get to him. We need to get to him fast."

"Dean?" Jo asked, but she already knew the answer.

"He's going to do it," Sam looked at her with fear in his eyes. "We have to find him before…" Sam's face screwed up with pain as he stood. "Lets go!"

They were almost running now and unlike before, Sam's injuries were troubling him. The pores of his skin had opened and the sweat from the exertion was dripping salt into the burnt and blistered holes.

Sam stopped suddenly. There was a look of concentration on his face.

"What?" Jo was annoyed and a bit breathless.

"He's not at the clubhouse," Sam said. "Not yet."

Sam closed his eyes, watching the vivid memories of the vision flash behind them. "This way," he said, grabbing Jo by the arm and heading in the opposite direction.

Sam was in pain, a lot of pain, but that didn't stop him. It couldn't. He needed to get to Dean before it was too late.

"How do you know?" Jo asked trying to keep up with Sam's pace. "I…I mean how can you be so sure?"

Sam just shot her a look and sighed. "He's closing in on Mark. I saw the name of a hotel."

"So how do you know where it is? I mean…"

"Jesus Jo! I just do, okay?" Sam snapped, because he wasn't even sure how he knew which way to go. It's like he had some sort radar when it came to Dean.

"So is that a brother's instinct, or a lover's?" Jo asked harshly, eyes glaring.

It was the first time she had brought it up since the truck and Sam didn't answer her. He just quickened his pace.

When they finally reached the hotel Sam knew was the one from his vision, he could hardly walk. Jo had been asking him if he was okay, she could see the sweat beading off his face and knew that it was sheer determination that kept him moving.

The salt in his wounds stung so badly now that he was actually nauseous and he wished he had the forethought to have brought his creams. "He's here," Sam told Jo and Jo just stared at him.

The bar was empty save for an old bearded man sitting on a stool. It was still fairly early and he looked like this was his second home.

Looking around Sam spotted the side exit. He knew that it would be just like Dean to find some sort of poetic justice in dragging Mark out to the alley to kill him.

"This way," Sam said already half way to the door. Jo followed.

"Dean?" Sam said just above a whisper.

Dean turned his head but didn't move. "Go away, Sam. This guy deserves to die. He's worse than a demon; at least they have an excuse," Dean gritted out. He's supposed to have a soul."

Jo couldn't help but notice the look that passed between them.

Sam stood taller and more in control than she had seen him all day. Dean still had the gun in Mark's mouth.

Her heart skipped a beat when she heard the softness in Sam's words. "Things will never be the same if you do this, Dean."_God Dean he's right. Please don't_. She wanted to say it out loud. To add her voice to the plea that he not become a murderer.

Their bond was obvious as their eyes stayed locked. Jo struggled to name the other element she could see in their eyes, before she realized it was a look that only lovers could share.

She drew in a sharp breath. She could contemplate being jealous later; right now they had to get Dean to back off.

Taking a couple of steps forward, Jo froze when Sam's head turned towards her sharply. His face all too clear and easy to read. _Don't you dare come closer. This is between me and him. Stay back. Mine._

Nodding, Jo understood that Sam was the only one with any real chance of talking Dean down.

"Sam." Dean's voice was cracking as he repositioned his fingers around the gun. "I want them to die for what they put you through,"

Mark moaned in fear and looked up, his eyes clearly begging for his life.

"Don't you think I want that too?" Sam asked. "But if we become Judge, Jury **and** Executioner… Then fuck, Dean. We **are ** the KKK. We're no better… Dean," Sam said again, his name like a plea.

Jo could almost tell the very second Sam had Dean in his pocket. Dean rocked back on his heels and Jo could tell he didn't want to admit it, but his brother had made an impact.

"Dean," Sam said, this time scrunching his eyes. Pain was evident on his face.

Dean's brow furrowed. "Sammy?"

When Sam doubled over, Dean took a step back and uncocked his gun. "This is your lucky day you son of a bitch. Get out of here." Dean jutted his chin. "Before I change my mind," he added with venom.

He was on his knees and holding Sam, before Jo could even blink.

Something twisted deep inside of her. She couldn't tell if it was her stomach or heart, it was just an unconscious acceptance. Thank god Dean loved Sam enough to change his mind. Thank god.

Dean had Sam's arm slung around his shoulder. Sam was conscious, but barely. "Please Sammy, just a little bit further."

Dean could almost feel the pain radiating through every pore in Sam's body and all Dean could think about was getting him into a cooling bath.

Dean slowly laid Sam down on the bed. He quickly made his way to the bathroom and started to fill the tub. He was so grateful the room had a bath, he wasn't sure if he could hold Sam up in a shower.

"Dean don't do it, please don't do it," Sam screamed, the pain making him delirious.

Dean rushed to his side and got him out of his blood soaked clothes as quickly as he could. Sam was in pain, but there was also the beginings of a fever. Dean was scared that infection would set in. "Come on little brother; let's get you into the bath."

Dean finally got Sam's jeans off. The pain caused Sam to flail, making it hard for Dean to get him to stand. Dean couldn't get him to walk, either as Sam just stood there, sweat and blood dripping from his wounds.

"Please, Dean," Sam begged as he flung his arms around Dean's neck. "If you kill him they'll take you away. They'll take you away from me."

"No one is taking me away, Sam," Dean said soothingly, trying to maneuver him forward. He finally took a step, but he had a death grip on Dean. "Don't leave me, Dean. Please don't leave me."

Dean's heart melted with the words and he realized for the first time how scared Sam had been. Sure it was about him not becoming a murderer, but there was more to this than just the moral dilemma. "Not killing anyone, Sammy. I promise."

"Don't Sam," Dean said trying to hold Sam still, keeping him submerged in the bath water. Sam was struggling, cursing and doing his best to get out. Dean did the only thing he could think of and he got in with him, using his body weight to keep him still.

Dean was worried that his clothes would scratch up against his brothers already open sores. When Sam started to buck and moan in pain, he was sure of it.

"Sam please, just stay still and I'll get off okay."

"No!" Sam said grabbing his arm hard enough to bruise. "Please don't go."

Dean could feel the zipper of his jeans rubbing hard against Sam. He leant down to whisper into Sam's ear. "If you promise to stay still Sammy, promise to stay in the water, I'll get rid of these scratchy clothes and get back in. Okay?"

Sam had calmed down since Dean had laid on him and although Dean wasn't sure if he really knew what he was doing, Dean trusted his brother when he nodded.

He quickly removed the offending clothing and got back into the bath.

"Up here," Sam said when Dean settled himself at the other end of the tub.

Sam was still hot to the touch and Dean wondered briefly if he knew what he was saying, but when Sam opened his eyes for the first time and grinned at him, Dean felt his heart skip a beat.

Tentatively Dean moved to lay across his brother, bringing them into line with each other. em _God I miss this_. /em

Sam moaned as Dean's cock brushed against his own and he wondered if this was a good idea.

When Sam's cock gave a violent jump he felt himself stiffen. "Sam?" He couldn't do this, not with Sam in so much pain.

"I want you," Sam slurred and that was it, Dean's cock was doing a happy dance.

"Sam, please. We can't do this. Not now. Not yet."

"Please," Sam begged and Dean automatically covered his lips with his own. "God Sam, I…I don't want to hurt you," Dean breathed around the kiss.

Sam inserted his tongue and deepened the kiss, urgently seeking out the warmth and wetness of his brother's mouth.

Dean's heart pounded out of his chest when Sam's hand sought out and found the hole to his entrance.

"Jesus!" Dean jumped.

He could feel Sam smile against his mouth as he slowly inserted his index finger to the first knuckle. "I can't fuck you with my dick, but hell Dean, I can still fuck you."

Dean was still unsure when he involuntarily bucked forward and Sam's head flew back, hitting hard against the porcelain. "Shit! Sam?"

Starting to take his own weight with his hands Dean started to retreat from Sam's body. "I'm sorry, shit!"

Sam's eyes rolled back in his head. "Me too," he panted.

It wasn't until Dean was all but off of his brother that he saw the milky white substance float to the top of the water.

Dean met Sam's eyes with a grin. "Guess it's been a while, huh?"

Sam blushed and placed his fingers around Dean's wrist. "Get back here."

"No, Sam, bathing in your cum, man. Gross."

Sam lowered his head as Dean got out and dried himself. "Here, let me help you," he said, offering Sam a hand.

Sam took it and allowed himself to be guided to a standing position. He was still weak and unsteady . Dean put his arm around his waist as he lifted his foot over the rim of the bath.

Sam fell into Dean's waiting arms and smiled against his brother's neck. "Your turn."

Dean looked up at Sam and seeing the love and lust in his eyes, he knew he was totally screwed. He'd wanted this for so long he could hardly breathe.

Sam shakily led Dean into the bedroom and laid down. "Please, Dean," he said reaching out in a gesture for Dean to join him on the bed.

Dean lay down, carefully positioning himself along side of his brother. "You know I want to, Sam, but…"

"No buts," Sam said taking Dean's mouth with his own. "I want you inside of me."

Dean glanced down at Sam's groin; his sores were red and angry. "Wait," he said pulling away.

"No, Dean. Please." Sam begged.

"Just wait," Dean said as he rose from the bed and went to the duffle bag. "You may already have an infection, you've got a fever. I just want to make sure it doesn't get any worse."

He pulled the burn creams out of the bag and returned to Sam's side. Sam reached out but Dean tapped his hand away. "Let me," he said as he squeezed a generous amount onto his palm.

Sam looked deeply into Dean's eyes as he slowly and cautiously began to smear the first cream over his blistered lower body.

Dean's touch was gentle and it boarded on being too soft. "This okay, Sammy?" Dean asked as he glided his hand along the underside of Sam's cock.

Sam's cock started to harden again. "God yes."

Dean smiled. He so wanted to take Sam's length into his mouth and just suck and kiss him until he came again. He missed tasting Sam, but he knew it would still be a while before his saliva and the heat of his mouth wouldn't hurt him.

"I'm glad you didn't kill him," Sam said breathlessly. His voice was somewhere between ecstasy and agony.

"Me too." Dean grinned at his own admission.

Sam moaned and Dean started to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Sam said slightly annoyed.

Dean's smile was wide. "It's just… In the alley, back there. The way you scared me when you went down."

Sam tilted his head in a question.

"Well, I was just thinking... It's a wonder Jo didn't pick up on things, ya know?"

"Things?" Sam asked, confused.

"Yeah. You and me." Dean motioned between them.

Sam's cheeks reddened. "Ahh… yeah, Dean. Ummm… about that…

**THE END**

**AN:** For all of you who have stuck with this or have read it from woe to go. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


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